When Words Go Too Far.

Elaborate adjectives can add a certain something to dull scripts. But there are two new 'flavours' in the Herbal Essences range that I just can't take seriously:

'Playful pink coral flower'

and

'Wicked white nectarine'.

What poppycock.

They say it's 'Uplifting hair that defies Gravity'. I say it's Adjectives that defy Rationality.

T-t-t-timing

Clever Kit-Kat have released an ad with Santa putting his feet up and saying: "Well, that's it for another year."

A perfect fit with their slogan: "Have a break. Have a Kit-Kat."

Have you got a topical theme you can use?

A message from Stella Artois

I posted on Twitter about some of my favourite e-cards, and Stella Artois responded to ask if I'd post about theirs.

After I got over my amazement, I checked out their link.

My answer is no. Sorry, Stella! It's much too complicated!

First you have to enter your birthdate to enter the site. Fair enough, it is alcohol after all and there are laws about such things.
Then you have to allow webcam access. Ooer, the webcam's on the laptop, and I'm working on my desktop computer. I'll ignore that and carry on anyway.
Then you're asked to 'print the marker image'.
Do I need that if I'm not using a webcam? Don't know, I'll just view the Flash version.
Oh dear, that's a bit dull.

What they promise is 'augmented reality' where you hold the marker image in front of your webcam and blow into your computer's microphone to move the snow.

I can't be bothered. But do let me know if you try it.

Well done, Tesco!

From 1230Jackie on Twitter

Tweet 1
1.5 hrs gridlocked in Tesco Orpington car park+3 hrs on road home for 30 mins normal journey - toooo much, hope better for others 2day

Tweet 2
Tesco staff rushed round with choccies for everyone - that was a plus!!

Hovis wins 'ad of the decade'

It's certainly epic, but should it be the winner?

The adverts which featured in the programme (in alphabetical order):

1. Barclaycard: Waterslide
2. Budweiser: True / Wassup
3. Cadburys: Drumming Gorilla
4. Cadburys: Eyebrows
5. Carlsberg: Old Lions
6. Citroen C4: Transformer
7. Compare the Market: Compare the Meerkat
8. Guinness: Tipping Point
9. Halifax: Howard
10. Honda: Cog
11. Hovis : Go On Lad
12. John Smiths Bitter: Various ft. Peter Kay
13. John West Salmon: Bear
14. PG Tips – Monkey
15. Skoda: Bake
16. Sony Bravia: Balls
17. Sony Bravia: Paint
18. Sure for Men: Stunt City
19. T Mobile: Dance
20. Volkswagen: Singing in the Rain

Many of them have also been featured in this blog (not as bad ads, but as good ones).

Which is your favourite?

This one's mine.



Watch the programme on ITV Player.

Ad of the Decade

Countdown of the 20 greatest commercials of the past ten years, from talking meerkats to the drumming gorilla.

ITV1, tonight at 8pm.

Wonder who chooses them? Let's watch it and see if we agree with their number one.

Why Simon Cowell has the X-Factor

This weekend has seen at least four hours of prime-time TV devoted to the X-Factor final.

Most companies pay fortunes for a 30-second ad. Syco gets hours – and we pay him!

What can you do to make your advertising that entertaining and get your audience as involved?

And the winner is...

...AC Wilgar, a heating installation company.

They took out a whole page ad in my local paper to announce the opening of their new branch and celebrate 25 years in business.

They have twice been voted best domestic heating installer in the UK, were Corgi's 'Best installer in the south east of England' in 2008, and chosen from 56,000 registered installers to help launch the new gas safe register in 2009.

It raises their profile and gives customers reassurance to choose them. What's more, the ad includes a 10% off coupon for installations before 29/2/10 to encourage prompt responses.

It's not the most attractive ad in the paper.

Their shops are a distinctive stand-out red that some would call ugly.

Their logo wouldn't win any design contests.

But their self-confident self-promotion gets a prize from me.

Heath Robinson, eat your heart out!

Watch the new Google Chrome ad.

Have you finished your Christmas shopping?

I want one of these!

Wii Just Dance.

I blame the advertising.

Tales of the unexpected

I love Roald Dahl's stories with the twist in the tail. And now here's a cheese ad with a surprise ending. It's yummy cheese too.

Why oh why oh why

is everything in Waitrose so nice that I spend twice as much there as I do in any other supermarket?

Whatever the answer, I think we could all do with a bit of it!

Have you voted yet?

Unless you've been living on another planet, you can't help but notice the number of reality shows and phone-in competitions* on TV these days.

Oxo has got in on the act, by inviting real families to record their own ads using a predetermined script. They're not daft! They're jumping on a bandwagon, generating PR and saving money at the same time.

There is still time to vote for the Oxo Factor finalists, who will be revealed during the X-Factor final (that's the show that is just one giant advert for Simon Cowell's business).

The Oxo Factor.

* You do know that they make money from your phone calls, don't you?

Elf and Safety gone mad?

Or inspired advertising?

Check out the British Biscuit Advisory Board campaign for Fox's Rocky biscuit bar.

And be careful out there!

Stupid?

McDonald's have started a series of ads with punny captions e.g. 'Gherkin or gherkout'.

I was amused to see the 'painfully thick' milkshake poster (although I'm not sure if they're talking about their product or their customers).

I think they're trying to compete with the classic Economist campaigns. Just do a Google image search and you'll see how cleverly it's been done before.

Carpetweasels

Usually, I write about words. Today, I'm writing about numbers. Pay attention now.

CarpetRight ads proudly proclaim 'UP TO 50% OFF, THEN AN EXTRA 20%!'

To the untrained eye, this looks like a whopping 70% discount.

Look again.

£100 x 50% = £50 off

£50 x 20% = £10 off

i.e. 60% off the original price.

Is this a trick you can use?

Today's winner of the 'odd exhortation' award

So the Government want us to reduce CO2 emissions by discouraging driving. They've done some calculations and reckon that asking us all to drive 5 miles less each week will make a useful difference.

Drive 5 miles less

Trouble is, this objective doesn't make sense.

'What, I have to stop and park 5 miles before I reach my destination? Not bloomin' likely,' thinks Ms Average.

If the message was about cutting out one short car journey per week, it might be more effective. Why? Because ad campaigns ought to use the same language that real people use.

Sainsduds

Last week, my local supermarket (guess who!) gave me a voucher for double loyalty points on my next trip.

This week, I presented my voucher and they refused it for no apparent reason. 'Computer says no.'

Collecting loyalty points is not the biggest thrill in my life. But having my hopes raised and then dashed again is worse than never having them raised in the first place.

Today's tip: If you are running any kind of loyalty scheme, make sure it works before you launch it!

Aha!

Thanks to the new GHD 'twisted fairytale' Rapunzel ad, at last I know what GHDs are!

Good Hair Day hair straighteners.

Not that I plan to buy any. I'm a curly girly (and proud of it).

SAUSAGES!!!

There was a lot of fuss when Kennedy's, the family butchers, finally closed its doors. People wrote to the local paper to complain about how much they would miss their favourite sausages.

Cleverly, my local sausage shop saw it as an opportunity. They're great at PR. Whenever you see anyone trying to make sausages on TV, it's probably them.

They analysed the traditional Kennedy's recipe until they were able to produce a comparable sausage called Ken'n'Eddie's. Local people are now flocking to Villager's in Beckenham High Street.

And guess what I'm having for dinner tonight!

"You can't sack this!"

I love the delivery a la David Brent.

The other great thing is the offer. If you don't find love in 6 months you get the next 6 months free. Not sure it would work for customers. But it works for the advertiser!

What can you do to take away the risk for your new prospects?

Interaction

Ant and Dec are the perfect pair to front this Nintendo campaign for the WiiFit. Their relaxed interaction with the public makes the ads a joy to watch.

It works because they look as though they are genuinely enjoying it. Mind you, so would I, if I was pocketing £1 million out of the deal!

Run, rabbit, run!

The Duracell bunny has evolved. What used to be a cute fluffy bunny banging a drum is now a swarm of animated bunnies that rush over a cliff edge like lemmings then morph into a sumo wrestler, an elephant and other 'powerful' shapes.

Trouble is, it's not cute any more.

Read the history of the Duracell bunny.

Have you noticed how cheesy everyone is?

Happy £1 Bargains
Watch the ad...

I've never been to Iceland. But I don't believe it's as full of happy shoppers as this ad would have us believe. Do you?

Sigh.

The huge Tesco store in Purley has several large signs around the store reading:

"November see's the biggest roleout of Tesco Clubcard."

Isn't it depressing when even the biggest companies with the biggest budgets can't put a little punctuation in the right place.

"BOO!" Are scare tactics ever justified?

The ASA has received over 350 complaints about the Government's new climate change ad where a father reads a scary bedtime story to his daughter.

Read about it on the Guardian website and let me know what you think.

A similar approach was taken in recent anti-smoking ads in which children share their fears about their parent dying. See what the BCC says about the complaints.

It's a tad early, but Happy Halloween, everybody.

Bummer

I heard a coach ad on the radio yesterday, that started with various names for 'bum' and ended up inviting you to put yours on one of their many thousands of seats.

Getting bums on seats is the supplier point of view, while passengers want their bum (and the rest of their body) taken comfortably to the place they want to go.

Message to coach company (and everyone else): Rewrite your ad from the customer's point of view. Please!

Astounding after-sales care

Land's End has always had a good reputation for customer service. For example, they sell trousers that are hemmed to your own length.

In their latest catalogue, they have excelled themselves!

As part of their lifetime guarantee, they now offer a FREE repair service to replace buttons, mend seams and darts or fix loose belt loops.

It's a safe bet for them (their quality is very good). And a reassuring safeguard for us.

What can you do to take away the risk for your potential customers?

How observant are you?

As well as writing without waffle for websites, newsletters and leaflets, I train people how to do their own marketing.

In one exercise, I show them a page of coloured dots for 3 seconds, and ask them to count the blue ones. Then I ask how many red ones there are.

People generally get it wrong. Like all of us, they have 'edited out' anything that is not relevant. That's why we have to make sure our marketing hits the spot so precisely when we are targeting prospective clients.

TfL takes this technique several stages further in an ad I first saw at the cinema last night. What a brilliant way of getting their message across!

Test your awareness

Bog off, BOGOF!

Tesco is replacing Buy One Get One Free with Buy One Get One Free, Later.

What an inspired piece of marketing!

Not only does it make them appear environmentally friendly by helping to reduce waste, but it also tempts people back to the shop a second time to claim their freebies (and buy more).

It's the best idea I've seen in ages.

Today's test: How can you adapt it to increase sales of your own product/service?

As reported in the Telegraph.

"Love Mondays"

What a great slogan I heard on the radio last week for a recruitment agency. That's just it. They don't sell jobs. They sell happy Mondays.

What do you sell?

I want one of those!

A remote control wand as seen in the newspapers this weekend.

"Nothing makes me feel better...

...than that freshly dressed feeling I get at the start of the day."

Whaaaaat?

It's the opening line for a Lenor ad, but even a little imagination tells you it's nonsense.

What makes you feel better?

I should cocoa

I saw the purple 'glass-and-a-half-full productions' logo, and was looking forward to the new Cadbury's ad.

It's a giant singing head, inspired by Ghanaian culture, intended to show their move to Fairtrade cocoa for Dairy Milk bars.



The ad is very worthy, but a bit of a let-down (unlike chocolate). Then again, a drumming gorilla IS a tough act to follow!

P.S. 'Zingolo', the backing track, is being sold as a single, with profits going towards education in cocoa-producing areas of Ghana.

Since when

did the word 'fun' become an adjective?

Coincidence!

I choreographed a routine for one of my dance classes, to the tune of 'Unbelievable' by EMF.

"I haven't heard that in ages!" said the teacher.

Next time I turned on the TV, there it was again, in an ad for Coco Rocks.

Now I can't get the song out of my head!

Luckily, as a bit of a rock chick, I like it.

Soundbites

It's great to have an eloquent spokesperson.

Sensodyne Iso-Active have managed to find someone* who says, quite naturally: "Frothy foaminess ... it ties it all up with a bow ... you just want to do that running-your-tongue-over-your-teeth when you've finished."

A cheesy grin to them.

* Kate from Islington

Taking things personally

I saw an Ocado van the other day, that said: "I'm a veggie van. I drink bio-diesel."

I saw an ad in Holland & Barrett, as if the vitamins were speaking.

And a 'talking' squirrel states: "I'm nuts about recycling" on a reusable carrier bag in Sainsbury's.

It seems anthropomorphism is a trend that doesn't just apply to meerkats.

The most nauseating advert in history?

Read Charlie Brooker's piece in the Guardian.

What an effective way

to present a hard-hitting message.

Grrr, get it right!

Words fail me.

What a fabulous poster!

Read about trompe l'oeil on Wikipedia.

Plane-clothed

I saw this poster on the London Underground at the weekend. Ironically, it's by Naked Communications.

Happy 250th birthday, Arthur!

A business anniversary is a great excuse for some positive PR. Cheers!

Read all about Guinness' birthday on the Guardian website.

Tails of the unexpected

Watch 'spring break mishap' on YouTube.

Did you see that coming?

"It's all in the writing"

That's what every successful actor says.

So I don't know what Glade were thinking when they approved the script for "I want to have a poo at Paul's house".

Poor Paul.

Best advert ever?

You decide.

Viral marketing (3)

Corporate viral marketing doesn't always work. But when it does...

Watch world record mattress dominos

That darned squirrel!

Mr & Mrs Brandt were posing for a photo in front of a lake in Banff National Park, Canada, and a ground squirrel popped up just as the camera clicked. They submitted the picture to the National Geographic magazine website, which led to a rash of imitations.

Here's the story in the Telegraph.

Here are the Top 10 crasher squirrel pics on Mashable.

And here's the print ad that Jessops put in the Daily Mail this weekend.



Tip: If you see an opportunity, take it!

World's worst jingle?

Competitions are a great way to encourage customer interaction with your brand.

Microsoft recently ran a competition for a jingle to launch Bing, their new search engine.

Here's the winner: Bing goes the Internet.

Tech-Point thinks it's the worse jingle in the world, ever.

What do you think?

To tweet or not to tweet, that is the question

I've been conducting a little experiment over the past month. I 'tweeted' about some of my recent blog posts on Twitter* and posted the rest without tweeting.

I've linked Twitter to my Facebook status updates, so my FB friends can see my tweets as well as my Twitter followers (admittedly, there may be some overlap).

One day, nearly 4% of my total audience clicked through to read my blog. I think that's a phenomenal response rate for online marketing!

On average, the blog posts I tweeted about got 47% more readers (according to Google Analytics).

So will I be tweeting about this post? You betcha!

* via Tweetdeck

I'm gonna live forever!

"I'm gonna learn how to fly. High!"

I went to the cinema* last week and saw a trailer for the new version of Fame, to be released on 25 September.

Hoorah!

I started jazz dance in 1981 and haven't stopped since! In those days, there were plenty of classes to choose from, thanks to the original movie (and the TV series that followed). These days, it's tricky to find an intermediate level class that isn't full of teenagers. Selfishly, I hope the new film prompts a revival of interest so there will be more local classes for me to attend.

Have you got an old product that you can resurrect with a new face?

* To see the latest Harry Potter film, since you ask.

Why your website MUST provide added value

I offer a free sales letter template on mine. Google Analytics tells me more people find me through searching for ‘sales letter template’ than anything else. I know not many people search for ‘copywriter’ because they don’t know that’s what writing for print and web is called!

The idea of ‘giving it away free’ is not that so people can go off and do it themselves (although I don’t mind if they do). It’s to prove that I know what I’m talking about.

I’ve made sure the template links to my contact details. And, sure enough, this week I had a call from someone who’s spent 6 months (6 months!) trying to get his sales letter right. I wrote it for him in 3 days.

What can you give away on YOUR website?

In the pink

Walking past a High Street hairdresser I notice a sign 'Pink GHDs now available'. Trouble is, I don't know what they are and why I might want them.

Hope their target market do.

Tip: Only use jargon your audience understands.

If it's true...

...that people choose a car based on the salesman in the showroom, then I wonder how many people will buy a Seat Leon based on this ad?

Technology to get ex..
Watch the ad...

I was put off ever buying a Lexus by a salesman who treated me as though I didn't deserve to own one:

(a) because I was not a middle-aged man
(b) because the car would be parked on the road not in a garage
(c) because I was wearing casual clothes on one of the hottest days of the year while he was grumpy and sweltering in a suit

The lesson is to always always treat potential customers with respect, because you just never know who they are or how much money they are likely to spend with you.

Can it really?

My first reaction when I saw this poster was to start a mini-rant: 'I disagree. Poverty can never be eradicated. It can only be re-defined. Poverty in the third world is completely different to 'poverty' in the first world...'

That's what I was thinking before I visited the website. Let's see if they can convince me otherwise.

* Visits christianaid.org.uk

Hmm, interesting! At least they are encouraging debate.

What do you think?

Do you like surrealism?

Here are Campaign's top 10 surreal ads June 2009.

What makes a good ad?

An ad that sells, that's what.

A client recently asked me to write and design an A4 ad for a trade magazine. I warned him that a one-off ad wasn't likely to attract much response, and that it would probably be a brand-recognition exercise only.

He (and I) were happily surprised that he's received two enquiries so far. He expects to convert at least one of these into paying business.

Why did results exceed expectation?

Because it was a highly targeted publication (and an eye-catching ad!).

Dear Peter Jones,

Re: Keeping your dignity

I am a huge fan of your work on Dragon's Den. I realise you are becoming as much a media personality as a multi-millionaire. But I do worry that riding a trolley in the moneysupermarket.com ad is a big mistake.

When asked to perform such stunts, my advice is to stick to what you're good at, think 'haughty duchess' and just say no.

I hope you accept this comment in the constructive manner it's intended.

Jackie

P.S. I hope they paid you well.

World's worst restaurant?

Earlier this week, I met some friends for dinner at Kettners in the heart of Soho – expecting the usual faded ex-hotel grandeur serving an affordable Pizza Express menu.

Alas, it's no more.

It's been refurbished and now offers a new brasserie menu. The cheapest glass of wine in the champagne bar costs £7.75 with 97p 'optional' 12.5% service charge automatically added and rounded up to £8.75 for no apparent reason. The restaurant prices weren't quite so shocking. Seven of us each had a main course plus dessert or coffee, and shared three bottles of wine and mineral water for £32 per head including service.

On relaunch, Matthew Norman gave it possibly the world's worst restaurant review scoring 0.5 out of 10.

More recently, it's been a bit better. Cater & Hotelkeeper review.

Two lessons...

As a supplier: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
As a customer: Be sure to check the latest reviews before you go anywhere.

1001 uses of vinegar

My little sister gave me a book about vinegar for my birthday (no, I don't know why either).

On the front cover it says 'Over 750,000 copies sold'.

I'd heard that 40,000 defines a non-fiction book as a best-seller, so this one is phenomenally successful!

It's a short-cut.

We're all so busy we think: "If it's good enough for 750,000 other people it must be good enough for me".

1002nd use of vinegar: To inspire today's task:

Decide how you can use this approach in your own marketing.

TALK TO ME!!!

I was driving behind a white van today.

The sign-writing on the back doors read: "Ace Carpet Cleaners". Yawn. Boring.

Then: "London's leading carpet company". Yawn. So what.

Then: "No job too small. No job too big." Yawn. Not another one.

Then it read: "You are following one of the most powerful carpet cleaning machines ever made." Great! At last a message that communicates directly to me (in the car behind) with a convincing sales message about the product.

How can you focus your communications better?

Take it all the way

Andrex Shea Butter p..
Watch the ad...

Andrex has a fine tradition of using labrador puppies in its ads. But I wish they'd included a French poodle somewhere in the last scene. Just this once.

Media placement

When buying ad space, it's important to buy it in the right place. That is, where your desired customers will see it.

Old Speckled Hen have sponsored PrimeTime on Dave (the comedy channel). Their ads feature a fox in various odd situations, saying: "Yes, it's different, but it's not a hen."

I'm not a beer drinker, but it made me laugh. So the comedy channel is probably the right place for it.

Watch the ads here

Public transport, grrr.

Since I've been self-employed (over 8 years now, hoorah!), I rarely have to commute into London during rush hour. Yesterday, I had to be in White City at 9am to run a training session from 10am.

I planned the journey allowing plenty of time, and got to my local station nice and early.

There was a packed train waiting with its doors open, but going nowhere. A sign read: 'Delays due to a broken-down train at Sydenham Hill'. People were milling about on the platform, uncertain what to do.

Ooer, was my trip going to be scuppered at the outset? Should I get a taxi or go home for the car?

Another train came in on the next platform, so we all squeezed onto that. At every station, more people crammed themselves in. The driver made encouraging announcements about moving down the coaches, apologies for the heat and discomfort, and tried to get everyone to work as quickly as possible.

Phew, we arrived at Victoria and I headed for the tube.

Just as I got to the top of the steps, lights started flashing 'DO NOT ENTER', sirens started blasting, and a staff member started heaving the barriers shut.

Oh no! Should I make a run for it and maybe get trapped underground in a terrorist emergency? Or should I wait patiently as instructed?

'It's temporarily closed due to over-crowding,' he explained.

Being an obedient type, I waited. When we were finally allowed down the stairs, the notice read 'Good Service' on all lines except the one I wanted. That read 'Delays'.

Sigh.

Despite the warning, a Circle Line tube did come along, I changed at Notting Hill Gate to the Central Line, just about managed to stay cool, calm and collected (despite it being one of the hottest days this year), and arrived at my destination on time.

It's not unusual, but I share this experience because it's such a bad ad for London.

Do you think they'll get it fixed in time for 2012?

Celebrity culture

Have you seen Peter Jones in the ad for moneysupermarket.com?

Famous for his millions, he says: "I'm in it; shouldn't you be?"

I'm sorry, but I'm not convinced.

Meanwhile, I'm sure it's Paul Merton's voice in the Direct Line voiceover.

Famous for his humour, he's reading a very dull script.

External endorsements are a powerful sales tool, because what someone else says about you is more convincing than anything you can say yourself.

But if you're going to do it, purleease be sensible about it! Match the right person with the right product, and let them speak in a way that is consistent with their own brand as well as with yours.

Do what you say on the tin

So if you sell TV advertising, produce a TV ad about TV advertising.

I love this!



www.thinkbox.tv

It's true. 30 seconds really can make an impact that lasts the rest of your life.

Altogether now, "Woooah, Bodyfoooorm, Bodyform for yoouuu!"

Timely

And it's got correct punctuation!

The Stig...unmasked!

The anonymous racing driver on Top Gear has been revealed as...Michael Schumacher! Or was it a publicity stunt for Bacardi Rum?

Read the story on Times Online.

Either way, the tactic has worked.

I'll have a Bacardi and Coke with ice please. No lemon.

Beeaaauuuutiful!

Local Fishing Expert..
Watch the ad...

Some of the most beautiful filming I've seen in a long time is the HSBC 'fishing in China' ad. They are telling you it's worth investing in local knowledge. I'm telling you it's worth investing in fabulous camerawork and photography.

Words that should be used more often (part 9)

Kibbles

As used in the Bakers' dog food ad shown in the breaks in the Dog Whisperer programme.

A good lesson about media buying, and being in the right place at the right time.

Today's task is to watch what's on and place your ads accordingly.

P.S. Kibbles remind me of Tribbles (the small furry aliens in Star Trek). Wikipedia says a tribble is purring in a cage on Montgomery Scott's desk at the Starfleet outpost at Delta Vega in the new Star Trek movie. Grrr, I missed it. Now I'll just have to watch the film again, sigh.

Reality TV

B&Q famously uses its own staff in its TV commercials.

A bit wooden is one of my favourites.

You've probably noticed there's a lot of reality TV about these days. And it fits their brand image to build on this trend.

ASDA and Kwikfit seemingly use their own staff too. So does the Halifax.

Trend-spotting is a great way to inspire topical marketing ideas. So how can you make your own marketing more 'real'?

"Size doesn't matter." Oh, doesn't it?

You may have noticed that your favourite chocolate bars have shrunk recently (although the price has stayed the same). No, it's not that you've got bigger. Mars have admitted they've reduced the size of various products 'for health reasons'.

Pshaw.

(That's an expression of disbelief.)

If that were so, they would have advertised the fact (and reduced the price to match).

Read the story on softpedia.com.

Now we know...

Top tip: Don't try to get away with under-the-counter practices. You will be found out.

No such thing as bad publicity?

A rumour is going round that it's cheaper to buy a new washing machine every four years than it is to buy Calgon for four years.

What would you do if you were Calgon?

I'd be busy trying to prove the rumour wrong.

Crying wolf

Amazon is selling a kitsch T-shirt printed with three wolves howling at the moon.

A single joke review led to a stream of similar reviews and boosted sales beyond belief.

Read the BBC story here.

This example of people power just goes to show:

- Humour sells
- Anything is possible
- There's nowt so strange as folk

Fact is stranger than fiction

Kiddicare sponsor the Katie and Peter reality TV show, showing male and female hands 'bickering' over their products on a sparkly pink laptop.

And now the real-life couple have announced their separation.

There's always a risk when you associate your brand with a celeb. You just don't know what they might do that impacts your marketing.

Happy Birthday To You

M&S is celebrating 125 years with a great ad – the story of their achievements, as told by Twiggy.



Read all about it at www.guardian.co.uk

Meanwhile, Sainsbury's is celebrating 140 years by offering half-price cava.

Company birthdays are a great opportunity for PR.

Dear Sainsbury's. Must try harder.

First there was the Dulux dog...

Now, there are the Durex dogs!



Watch the video on YouTube.

Warning: adult content.

Frog Mob.

Video by YouTube.
Ad by Sky.
Kit by Diving Leisure London (my dive club).

Moral of the story: Providing props can provide good PR.

To be honest

Ginsters is running a radio ad campaign packed with pithy one-liners.

Example:

"My sister suffers from vertigo. I like to phone her up to say 'hi'."

The idea is that their food is filled with good stuff to fill you up.

Trouble is, their slogan is "Real honest food".

So why not construct an ad around honesty?

That would be more consistent with the brand.

Listen to the ads here (although they may have been removed for breaking copyright, ha ha!).

Talking about the ads on 'Talking Retail'.

Should've gone to Croydon

Agency: "Ad opens on a Caribbean beach..."
Client: "Not sure we can afford that. How about Croydon?"
Agency: "Oh, OK then."

Advertising Demoliti..
Watch the ad...

Any other bright-eyed viewers recognise that the Specsavers 'Fairview' building is Croydon's Fairfield Halls?



Well done to the Croydon Film Commission for selling it as a location.

Today's lesson: Set a budget and stick to it.

I don't drink tea. Yuk!

I had a part-time job when I was 16, serving 450 employees in the Allders of Croydon staff canteen. I had to make tea in an industrial-sized tea-urn, using industrial-sized tea-bags, and the smell of it got up my nose, in my hair and in my clothes. I haven't been able to drink any kind of tea since. Yuk!

However, I do recognise the important part that tea-drinking plays in British (and worldwide) culture. And I do acknowledge the 'art' that's involved in making the perfect cuppa.

So I admit I really like the Twinings 'art of tea' ads.

Nothing will convince me to drink the stuff though. Yuk.

The Art of Tea with ..
Watch the ad...

Read about the ads on Talking Retail.

P.S. What can we learn from this? That some people will never buy your product, no matter what you do!

*That* film is on again...

'How to Get Ahead in Advertising' is on Film 4 tonight at 12.50am (Freeview 15, Sky 315, Virgin 444).

Last time I blogged about it, I called it possibly the worst film ever made and was amazed when its star, Richard E Grant, emailed me afterwards to object.

Hi Richard! * Waves.

So, is it true that the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about?

You decide.

Odd?

The TV ad for new Cadbury's Clusters shows singing Santas surprising people in a park.

The strapline is "wonderfully odd".

In the interests of research, I tested them out. (Don't say I never do anything for you!)

They reminded me of the chocolate-covered cornflakes and raisins that my mum used to make. So, apart from their shape, they're hardly odd at all.

It's a lesson in how to take one unique aspect of your product and shape your advertising around that.

What does this tell you?

(Click image to enlarge it)

I wonder what happened to cause the need for such a sign?!

The shortest communications can give away a whole story (so be careful when producing yours).

Pleasuring yourself

The brand positioning for Magnum ice-cream is 'World Pleasure Authority'.

They are currently running an on-pack promotion to give away £3m-worth of pre-paid Mastercards, so winners can buy whatever they like.

That's because Magnum don't sell ice-cream, they sell pleasure.

And what's the usual response to pleasure? "Mmm, that's nice."

Similarly, I don't sell marketing and copywriting services. I sell 'Writing Without Waffle', to which the usual response is "Ooh, that's useful".

So what do you sell?

Is it something that people really really want? Does it make them go "Mmm" and "Ooh"?

If not, perhaps you'd better change it.

Words that should be used more often (part 8)

"Boffins"

That's the opening line of the ad that launches Boots new Protect & Perfect serum, scientifically proven to reduce wrinkles.

View the ad on Visit4Info.

Read about it on www.telegraph.co.uk.

So what's the lesson?

Any external endorsement is a powerful sales technique. Tried-and-tested ... proven ... award-winning ... all these epithets really help shift products off the shelves.

P.S. Yes, it did encourage me to buy some. Not that I have any wrinkles of course. Oh no. Not me. No sirree. It was a present, honest...

BALLS!

James Dyson is an inspired inventor! The Dyson Ball vacuum cleaner goes round corners more easily.

He's identified a problem. Identified a solution. And markets it with himself as 'frontman'.

For personality-led businesses, this can be an effective approach.

It works for Dyson. It works for me. Maybe it would work for you too?

What's the last thing you bought

as the result of an ad?

I had to answer that question as part of a copy test when I applied to go to copywriting college years ago. Many, many years ago. So many years ago that the acceptance letter from Watford College was written on a typewriter.

I think I argued that no ad had ever changed my buying behaviour – oh, the foolishness of youth!

So, what would your answer be?

Meet Sergei, IT genius!

Aleksandr Orlov has just tweeted a sneak preview of the brand new TV advertisement for Compare the Meerkat dot com.

Watch it here.

If you're not on Twitter, you're missing out!

Follow me @jackiebarrie

"Does my bum look big in this?"

After three complaints (3!), the ASA has banned this ad for suggesting that Courage beer can boost confidence.

But who's laughing now? As with all controversy, the story has received acres of coverage.

Read the BBC report.

Colin the Fish

I thought it was April 1st when I heard about this, but no, the story broke on April 6th, so it must be true.

Sainsbury's has re-named unpopular pollack as Colin, in order to encourage sales (Colin being the French name for hake).

Read the story on the BBC News website.

Names can make all the difference. And it is important for us to conserve rarer fish stocks.

But will you be ordering Colin and chips next Friday?

Baby talk

Babies are one of the images that most people find appealing. As are kittens and puppies. So Cow & Gate have laughing babies in their ads. No problem there.

But the captions read, for example: 'Do I look like I need more vitamins and iron?'

Wrong wrong wrong.

It should be: 'Do I look as though I need more vitamins and iron?'

< rant >

The media has a responsibility to use language properly!

< / rant >

AAAA

I think it was columnist Keith Waterhouse who instigated the Association of the Abolition of the Aberrant Apostrophe.

They are needed in Beckenham, where an awning has appeared:



Oh people, signwriters and awning-makers, PLEASE get it right!!!

The Beefcake is Back!

According to Tanya Gold in the Daily Mail. She says:

"In fashion, twigman has gone, to be replaced by David Gandy, the male model of now. I find it hard to pay attention to male models – I always forget a pretty face – but even I can see that Gandy, the Dolce & Gabbana model from Essex with the tiny white pants, looks like a Mexican bandit on steroids. He looks as if he'd cut your throat for 10p and a packet of crisps and then give the entire female readership of the Daily Mail a fireman's lift into work.

...

But why has the beefcake returned? Why has Bruce Banner become Hulk again? What has brought him back?
It's simple. It's so simple even David Gandy could understand it. The 'rise of the drip' was clearly an expression of our collective affluence. In the last boom, we had computers, call centres and automation – and money, so much money, to do everything for us. We lived in a highly sophisticated, fantastical, touch-screen culture where beefcake man was surplus to requirements.

...

But things have changed. Our economy is splintering, our seas are rising and house prices are falling. Look away from the page and look back. Yes, your house just lost another £50 in value. We are afraid, and we should be. So what do we do? We should choose beefcake. Fashion has decreed it. In times of hardship and uncertainty, what sane woman wants to cuddle up to a man she knows she could beat in a fight? Who needs a sensitive accountant when all the money is going? Who needs a man to talk shoes when all the shoes have gone?

It is better to have a man who can mend things for you. And butcher sheep. And build houses and grow vegetables and make things out of bits of wood. Won't you feel safer? Won't you feel better, knowing that there is a serious lump of muscle between you and the cold, cruel world outside?"

All of which is just an excuse to include this picture.

Defining your USP

I drove through a town called Blackheath recently. Not the one in London. This one is the highest point in the Blue Mountains, Sydney. Outside the town is a sign, proudly declaiming it 'Rhododendron Town'.

When in New Zealand, I passed through Auckland: 'The City of Sails', Christchurch: 'Garden City', Tirau: 'The Corrugated Iron Capital', Taihape: 'Gumboot Capital of the World', and Bulls: www.unforgetabull.co.nz.

All these places are aiming to differentiate themselves by picking one characteristic to attract visitors.

If every little town and big city can do it, so can we business owners!

I predict

this TV show will take over the world!

The Gruen Transfer.

It's a show with a panel of advertisers critiquing Aussie ads. Viewers also get the chance to see ad creativity behind-the-scenes, when they are challenged to promote an unlikely product. It's fascinating, and loads of fun!

Head in the clouds

I was talking to someone the other day about 'cloud computing'. No longer will we all have to buy our own copies of software and keep upgrading everything to stay compatible with everyone else. We will just have to buy an annual license to use the latest versions via the Internet.

What a good idea: a solution to a problem.

That's what we all need to sell.

Buggeration!

I was talking to someone recently who told me that 'bugger' is not a rude word in New Zealand. It has been used in a car ad campaign, with 'oh bugger' as a promotional bumper sticker.

'Bastards' is a term that's used with affection in Australia (as shown in their famous 'Buy more beef, you bastards' slogan).

And 'merde' in French is not as rude as 'shit' is in English.

Just goes to show the importance of choosing the right language for your audience.

All men are...

Couldn't believe the Oven Pride advert I heard recently: "So easy a man can do it", with small print reading: "No men were harmed during the making of this commercial."

There was a time when this 'role reversal' approach might have amused me, but not any more.

It may be tongue-in-cheek. But it's no funnier than sexism against women.

Tip: Remember we're in the 21st century.

Brave new world

Just as some musicians use their MySpace page more than their own websites, Skittles.com has ditched their traditional website in favour of links to the various social media sites. The 'Friends' link goes to their page on FaceBook, the 'Products' link to Wikipedia, 'Media' to YouTube and Flickr, and 'Chatter' to Twitter.

Rather than the company broadcasting 'top-down' sales messages, the customers are doing all the talking (and there is no control over what they may say). This is 'bottom-up' marketing taken to the extreme.

My message? Marketeers ignore the power of social media at their peril.

2+2=5

Imagine you sell sofas. How will you advertise them?

You might pick a hit song and get people to dance around them, like DFS do. Or you might think again.

The greatest impact can occur when you put two unrelated ideas together, such as the Ryvita "Inch War" slogan.

One sofa company took three ideas and achieved oodles of PR coverage to go with the ad.

1. Sofas
2. Fast delivery
3. Top Gear

Watch the Sofa.com world speed record.

Inspired!

You learn something new every day...

Acronyms are a useful way to help you remember things.

F.A.S.T. is a great mnemonic* to remind you what to do if you witness any of the symptoms of stroke.

I didn't know that beforehand. I do now.

Watch the ad on YouTube.
Read about the Department of Health campaign.

Many business-owners try to sell themselves through awareness advertising (like the big brands do), but it serves us better to demonstrate our expertise by sharing useful information.

Next time you produce any marketing communications, why not try the 'public service announcement' approach? It may not get results FAST, but it will get results.

* Way to remember things

What's wrong with this slogan?

"Customer driven"

as seen on the back of a haulage van.

It's clever, as it has meaning on more than one level. But it's stupid, because the customer doesn't drive the van.

If it were on a self-drive vehicle, that would be a different story...

P.S. My thanks to Clive Wilson for pointing this out.

I think I'm in love!

with Aleksandr Orlov, the founder of www.comparethemeerkat.com.

Who would have thought of advertising a cost comparison website by building a spoof?

That's inspired today's tip:

I once heard of a man who was lucky enough to be able to travel the world and see everything he’d ever wanted to see. One of the places he’d always wanted to see was Mount Everest. So he made all the arrangements, flew out there, looked out of his hotel window, and what do you think he saw?

It was something like this:



He wanted to see Mount Everest, but Mount Everest is in the Himalayas! It’s a mountain range! Everest might be the biggest mountain in the world but it’s surrounded by other mountains which all look the same!

Was it that one, which may be nearer and smaller? Or that one, which may be further away but bigger? He couldn’t tell. And he came away disappointed by the experience.

Another place he’d always wanted to see was Ayers Rock, or Uluru, in Australia. So he made the arrangements, flew out there, and what do you think he saw?

It was something like this:



Uluru is one big rock in the middle of a flat desert! There is nothing around to distract from it! And he came away feeling much more impressed by the experience, even though Uluru is much, much smaller than Mount Everest.

So what’s the moral of this story?

You have less than 15 seconds to grab someone’s attention. Even if you are the biggest and best in the whole world, no-one will notice if you promote yourself the same way as everyone else.

If you want to stand out from the rest, like Uluru, not blend in with everyone else, like Everest – YOU HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT!

P.S. I thought of meerkats first! 'Don't stop me now!' 3/5/08

P.P.S. I also wrote about comparing the cost comparison websites 'When numbers speak louder than words' 1/9/08

"Oi! Turn it down!"

Some of the ads may be better than the programmes that surround them, but many people perceive the noise volume of the ads to be louder.

My tip: It's no good being better than the rest if you do something that p*sses people off so much that they'd rather go and make a cup of tea!

ASA background briefing

I am the amazing disappearing woman!

I've lost a bit of weight recently, and all my clothes are falling off me (ooer, missus). So I went shopping to buy some new clothes in a smaller size.

I chose a few things in BhS*, but when I got to the till, the sales assistant said: "If you let me keep these for you until 5 March, you can have 20% off**."

So that's what I did.

I had been quite prepared to pay full price, now I'll pay 1/5 less (assuming I do go back on 5/3).

It's good news for me and for all the other customers who've taken up the offer. But maybe it's not so good news for BhS.

As the owner of my own business, I do believe it's good to generate goodwill, in the hope of increasing customer loyalty and word of mouth marketing. But – when you (or your staff) give away a guaranteed sale – it's not so good for the bottom line.

* Note for young people: BhS used to be called British Home Stores, possibly because they were based in Britain and they sold things for your home.

** Note for everybody: The 20% off offer only applies to BhS card-holders.

Doing a Ratner

One of my clients uses Constant Contact to issue email announcements to his clients. Unfortunately, he gave one of his employees the login details. The employee - thinking he was doing the right thing – sent all their clients a message announcing the launch of their new websites. Unfortunately, the new websites hadn't been signed off yet, and were full of broken links and errors. The employee then sent all their clients a follow-up email linking to another website. Even more unfortunately, that website was wrongly branded. My client has now changed the login, so he is now the only one who can send messages.

'Human error' can happen to anyone.

According to Media Coach, Alan Stevens, the technical director of ETV news in South Africa used 'dummy' information to test the rolling news display on the bottom of the screen. The message that appeared on TV sets all over the country was "George Bush is dead". Mr Bush is, in fact, alive and well. "We've learned from it, all test banners will now be done in gobbledegook," said station spokesman Vasili Vass.

Gerald Ratner's famous faux pas wiped an estimated £500m off the value of his company. From Wikipedia:

Although widely regarded as "tacky", the shops and their wares were nevertheless extremely popular with the public, until Ratner made a speech at the Institute of Directors on April 23, 1991. During the speech, he joked: “We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, "How can you sell this for such a low price?" I say, because it's total crap." He compounded this by going on to remark that some of the earrings were "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long."

Top tip: Watch what you say and who you let say it. You can never be too careful.

In the words of Victor Meldrew...

"I don't believe it!"

Friend H visited recently and asked me how I keep my whites so white. We actually had a serious discussion about washing powder until we realised what we were doing.

Then I remembered when I went camping years ago with friend S, and we decided that Fairy washing-up liquid really does make more bubbles so you need less of it. Naturally, we stopped the conversation as soon as we noticed we were having it.

Two lessons:

1. We all use Ecover these days, thanks to the power of the green lobby

2. Advertising scripts that reflect reality really do work

P.S. I assure you that none of my friends have ever discussed slow digestive transits.

Three strikes and out?

Burger King has a new, funky advertising agency - Crispin Porter and Bogusky.

So far, they have created three campaigns that have not only been talked about (a good result) but also heavily criticised (not a good result).

The first was called "Whopper Virgins", where they took burgers from Burger King and Macdonalds to Thai villagers who had never seen such food, to do a taste test.

The second was "Burger-scented cologne", a clear spoof, but just not very funny.

The latest is "Lose 10 Facebook friends and get a free burger". However, Facebook have just banned the application from their site, and once again, Burger King have had to apologise.

Wonder if it's three strikes and out for Crispin Porter and Bogusky?

This information was written by Alan Stevens, and originally appeared in "The MediaCoach", his free weekly ezine, available at www.mediacoach.co.uk.

My top tip: Be different. But don't be stupid.

Monty Python singalong: "Spam Spam Spam Spam..."

Spam is the curse of the Internet age. When it's not someone trying to nick your identity or your money, it's someone trying to sell you something.

Now and again I'm happy to point you to someone else's blog. SEOMoz.org have brilliantly illustrated a spam post about how to sell your items on eBay.

Here's the title:



Here's the whole blog post.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

My thanks to Nikki Pilkington for tweeting this on Twitter. If you know anyone who wants Search Engine Optimisation, send them to her.

And if you know anyone who's trying to write non-spammy sales messages, send them to me!

Oh. My. God.

You may have heard about the bus ads with an atheist slogan.

You probably heard about the bus driver who refused to drive them.

But you may not know there is now a website where you can add your own bus slogans.

Just goes to show that controversy can sometimes lead to more column inches (and more online pixels) than you expect. Doesn't mean it's the right approach to take though.

And so endeth today's lesson.

Trying too hard

There is a TV ad currently running for ICS Learn, where a very nice actress recites very nicely a list of all the courses they offer. Still pictures pop up behind her depicting each course. There's not enough room to show all the courses at the same time, so some of the images are replaced with others.

A list like that would be fine if presented in a printed brochure. But it's no good as a TV script.

ICS appear to agree with me, as they are phasing out these old ads and replacing them with new ones, as shown here.

The first one is waaay better than the current ad. It focuses on one person's story, as told by a fine young actor. Mind you, I still think they have given him too much to say.

The lesson is keep it simple!

What can we learn from Cadbury's eyebrows?

My friend Ange loves the chocolate but hates this ad.

Watch the official version on YouTube.

Maybe it's trying to appeal to a different (younger!) demographic.

Then again, how do you beat a drumming gorilla?

I still wish they'd try it with meerkats.

[Edit: Looks like they've missed the meerkat boat thanks to Aleksandr Orlov]

Great minds think alike

I went up to London last week, and spotted a poster on the tube that advertised The Times newspaper, by saying:

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
Then POTATO could be spelled GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

It's exactly the same example I used in the December issue of my Writing Without Waffle newsletter (you can sign up here.

Where did I get it? I think someone forwarded it to me via email.

Today's top tip is to keep a 'crib file' of jokes, stories and links that might be useful for your own marketing. Mine is in a folder on my Mac. When I'm ready to write each month's newsletter, I simply dip into it for whatever is most interesting and relevant (always crediting the original source, where possible, of course).

Beanz that repeat on you

Hoorah – Heinz is bringing back "Beanz Meanz Heinz"! Here's the story on telegraph.co.uk.

It was once voted the winner in The Advertising Slogan Hall of Fame (2000), and was created by Maurice Drake, who claimed: “it was written over two pints of beer in The Victoria pub in Mornington Crescent”.

Just goes to show that inspiration strikes in the most unlikely places. I have some of my best ideas in the car, the bath or listening to live rock music.

Where do you have yours?

P.S. Here's the top 10:

1. Beanz Meanz Heinz Heinz
2. We try harder Avis
3. Go to work on an egg Egg Marketing Board
4. Guinness is good for you Guinness
5. Don't be vague. Ask for Haig Haig Scotch Whisky
6. Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet Hamlet
7. Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach Heineken
8. It is. Are you? The Independent
9. Just do it Nike
10. Think small Volkswagen

Life's for sharing

Have you seen the T-Mobile ad with all the people dancing on Liverpool Street station?

As psychologists will tell you, anything that moves along with you, feels as though it is somehow part of you e.g. your clothing, your car. There is a feeling of great one-ness when other people do the same thing at the same time as you do e.g. having sex, marching armies.

Anyone want to join me dancing in the street?

Watch the dance on YouTube.

Ads I wish I'd written (part 6)

"I in 5 people have dandruff. 1 in 4 people have mental health problems. I've had both."

So says Ruby Wax in a Government 'Time for Change' print ad to end mental health discrimination.

Read about the campaign.

The text seems simple, doesn't it. Short and sweet. And poignant.

But it couldn't have been written without a considerable amount of inspiration and research.

Another reason why copywriters don't charge by the word!

There's no such thing as bad publicity

I'm often telling my clients that 'bottom-up' testimonials sell you far better than 'top down' marketing-speak*. And that customer reviews are becoming increasingly important as sales tools e.g. Amazon and Tripadvisor.

But what do you do if you get a bad review?

Pub owner challenges mystery reviewer to a duel.

With a great sense of humour like that, I bet the pub gets more custom now!

* That's why testimonial writing is one of the services I provide.

Is this topical or what?

From the Australian Daily Telegraph 22/1/09 (with thanks to Wilbur).

So what can small business-owners learn from this? It's always wise to keep an eye on what's happening in the media, and see how you can turn the news to your advantage.

Gimme a break

I don't like the Take a Break ad. But then, I don't much like the magazine, either.

Longer lasting sex is BANNED

Quite right too!



Read all about it on www.guardian.co.uk.

Top tip Media placement is key. This ad might be fine in Viz, but not on the High Street. Sanpro ads are OK in Woman magazine, but not on CeeBeebies. And, if you provide training for ex-service personnel, like my newest client, advertising in the army resettlement magazine makes perfect sense. As they say in marketing and in the military, it's all about targeting.

'Bad ad' sent to me by a well-wisher

MOT???

Glad you're a man (part 3)?

Please click image to enlarge it.

Glad you're a man? (part 2)

Please click image to enlarge it.