Male nudity in ads

How to do it

 

 How not to do it

 

Online checkout in real life

 Love this! Not sure how it promotes Analytics though.

What's in a name?

I saw an Eddie Stobart lorry on the M23 yesterday, bearing the name 'Cleo Lola'.

Did you know that every vehicle gets its own name? It's a genius way of getting their drivers to take more care on the road!

Googling to find some background information, I also found a Saddos spotter site!

Sauna, anyone?

Best way for girls to lose weight

Less is more

An oldie but a goodie (with thanks to the inestimable John Howitt for bringing it to my attention).

For all my biker friends...

There are times

when you really should be more careful with your proofreading.

I tried to contact them to let them know, but I don't plan to phone the US from the UK, there was no email address and the contact form wasn't working (in Safari). Strangely (?), the web developer's name was also missing from the footer.

Now that's what I call advertising

I don't like tea either!

I may have mentioned before that I don't like tea. It comes from when I was a part-time tea-lady at Allders of Croydon, aged 16. I had to serve the stuff to 450 staff with industrial-sized tea-bags and a giant urn. Since then, I can't stand the smell of it.

Pass the gin!

I'm not often lost for words

But I don't quite know what to say about this ad.
Would you really fancy 'buns of cheese'? I wouldn't. But then I don't fancy 'cheesestrings' either.

Straight up

I don't like the 'straight talking' Wonga.com ads. Apart from anything else, they omit the important fact that their APR is enormous (especially for anyone who pays late).

Radio blah blah

I heard a Microsoft Office ad on the radio where a child actor said something like: "And I can add Word Art to my essays to make them look fantastic!"

Nooooo!

Word Art is to be avoided at all costs. It's hideous. Yuk.

Not good enough!

I resigned my membership from my local health club because they withdrew one of the dance classes I attend regularly, and it was no longer worth it.

They demand three months' notice (even though they only gave one month's notice that the class was being cancelled). Sure enough, the contract does not commit them to offering any particular classes.

I handed in my resignation letter, but didn't even receive an acknowledgement, let alone a courtesy call asking why I was leaving and whether there was anything they could do to convince me to stay.

Shame. If they'd played it differently, I might still leave but would be more likely to encourage others to join.

I sent an email to object. A few days days later, they called to say 'Your membership will expire at the end of November."

Oh no it won't!

I was careful to ensure my letter was handed in at the end of July, so my membership expires at the end of October.

I had to kick up quite a fuss, but eventually, she agreed.

Given such appalling customer service, I won't miss it.

Yes, David Lloyd Beckenham. I'm taking about YOU.

-----
After complaining to the manager, they have reinstated the dance class on another day, agreed to display posters to promote it, and have sent a letter about my resignation. Too little, too late? I haven't decided.

If you can't say it, sing it. If you can't sing it...

...put it in a Haribo ad.



Sooooo bad.

Ad of the century

Story of the Smash Martians on Creativepool.

How times change...

Ad placement #Fail

Thanks to eagle-eyed spotters for sharing these and more all over t'Internet for our amusement.

Friday fun

Slow-motion dogs catching treats.



Yes, it's an ad. And yes, it's had millions of views.

A bit of fun with flyers!

I feel responsible

A few years ago, a local garage asked me to design an A5 ad for them. One side was to sell cars; the other to promote their repair service.

It ended up quite lairy-looking, but that's what they wanted. It was printed on a good quality card, with a laminate finish to make the colours zing.

This week, I found they've stuck the cards on all the cars in my road*. Not under the windscreen wiper, but under the window seal on the driver's side.

Quite naturally, a number of my neighbours have pulled the cards out and thrown them away (not always in a bin).

It feels odd to see my own work littering the pavement.

I've picked them up and binned them. It feels odd to do that too.

*I thought it was illegal to touch someone's car without permission. I know it's illegal to litter.

How the mighty are fallen

Estate agent #Fail

There is a sign in a local estate agent's window, which reads:

LANDLORDS
All types of properties
urgently required to
meet the demand we
are currently
experiencing.

It fails the Who cares test, doesn't answer What's In It For Me, and there isn't any call-to-action.

Instead, it should be written from the landlord's point of view e.g.

LANDLORDS
Want to rent your property
quickly? We have 100s
of tenants on our books.
Call in today, and find
the right tenant for you!

All men are stupid!

At least, you'd think so, according to the current trend in adverts. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I present to you the evidence:

Exhibit A. The man who can't say 'I love you'.



Exhibit B: The man who can't pour Ketchup.



Exhibit C: The man who can't control himself.



Please add your verdict in the comments below.

Gender advertising

Oldie but goodie by Mitchell and Webb.

Oddvertising

AdWeek has just published its 10 Funniest Commercials of All Time.

I hadn't seen most of them before. Most involve people doing stupid things. And none of them made me laugh.

All of which is probably proof that I am not an American! Lol.

The end of the word is nigh!

As a copywriter, I'm often asked what I think about txt spk. I've always said it's OK as another language, but not a replacement language. It's not (yet) appropriate in academic writing or business writing. But, language is continually evolving, the word 'innit' is in the OED, and – just as we don't write now how we wrote 100 years ago – we won't write in 100 years the way we write now.

Ladies and gentlemen, as the logo above shows, the shift has already begun.

I saw it in an ad on the back of a bus, to advise 16- to 24-year-olds about chlamydia. As soon as the 16 to 24s are old enough to influence mainstream media, I suspect we'll all be writing 'ur' for 'your' and no-one will have time any more for us old fogeys who know about 'proper' spelling and grammar.

#TimeToGoOutToGrass?

World's best 404?

Credit where credit's due

I recently leased a new car. I shopped around various websites online and different local garages offline.

There was one place where the salesman didn't give me a hard sell.

I bought the car.

He talked me through how everything worked, and phoned me after a couple of weeks to see if it was all OK.

It was.

After a couple of months, the headrest of the driver's seat got stuck against the sun visor and pulled it off.

The girl who answered the phone was friendly and helpful.

Their service team were fabulous and arranged a repair within days, under warranty.

Their engineer fixed it within minutes, using a plastic sheet on the seat and protective paper on the floor.

Meanwhile, the salesman spotted me in their waiting area, recognised me, and offered me tea or coffee.

Who is this paragon of virtue? WJ King Bromley.

After a lifetime of unfortunate experiences with car dealers, I am happy to recommend them.

Missing a trick?

I keep seeing this ad on the back of buses, and wondering if there is another version, with the text and image in blue, with a female face and the word 'Upset' instead of 'Angry'. It seems not. At least, not yet.

The 'angry' website

When my first car* was stolen years ago, I remember more tears than tantrums.

*Red 'Coke bottle' Cortina Mark 111, since you ask.

Easy Jet? Difficult Jet, more like!

Yes, yes, I know it's a budget airline with all the corners knocked off, but you would think they actually don't want you to fly with them.

Example.

I was flying back from Milan yesterday. At the point in the flight when other airlines would say: "Ladies and Gentlemen. We are 10 minutes from landing. When you leave the aircraft, please remember to take all your belongings with you. Thank you for flying with us. We hope you have a pleasant onward journey."

What Easy Jet said was this: "Ladies and Gentlemen. We are 10 minutes from landing. When you leave the aircraft, please remember to take all your belongings with you because we have to turn the plane around quickly and fly to Nice."

Ooer, Oreo!

I find something rather disturbing about the Lick Race adverts. Judging by the comments, it's not just me!

So bad it's good?

Or just bad?



You decide!

What's 'Angey'?

When I glimpsed the new Jaffa Cake slogan, I read it as 'Truly, Madly or Angey'

Angey?

Plus or minus?

When I first saw these ads, I didn't like the Yorkshire stereotyping. #Fail.

When I did some more research for today's blog post, I noticed that PlusNet reps are monitoring and responding to customer comments all over social media. #Pass.

Which is more annoying?

Halifax's 'Yeah yeah' ad or 'ISA ISA baby'?





Hit 'Post a comment' to place your vote.

Deer Peepol, if u karnt spel, pleez yooz a pruufreeder

This is from the front page of my local paper.

Apart from the questionable name – Ladyzone?! – I don't think I want to look or feel 'FANSTASTIC' anytime, thank you.

Shame on you, Mercedes Benz!

An apostrophe is just a little thing. Why do so many people get it wrong?

Looking into my crystal ball

I predict that location-based marketing is The Next Big Thing!

This innovative 'poster' dispenses doggy treats when you 'check in' on FourSquare.

Woof, woof!

The slogan that made me splutter with disbelief

'Nuff said.

When it’s OK to break all the rules

Ling is the ‘Chinglish’ IT geek and constant creative who famously turned down investment from Dragon’s Den.

LingsCars is her chaotic website, often nominated ‘world’s worst’. It would not be considered ‘elegant’ by any stretch of a web designer’s imagination. However, Ling has won endless awards for her business.

Admittedly, the site will only appeal to people who ‘get’ her sense of humour. For example, she writes ‘WAH’ all over the page, has a ‘car-u-like-ator’ that works like a fruit machine to help you choose your new car, and includes a ‘moans’ page where she deals publicly (and cheekily) with complaints.

What comes through is a genuine personality. (People do business with people.)

Her secret of success? She’s coded a highly automated system that is also a very human experience. Placing an order makes you smile at every stage.

At one point in the process you are offered a free gift such as a ‘cash bribe’. You are then sent a branded envelope including a personalised letter, a banknote worth 6-7p that her sister picked up from the bank in China, together with some wrapped Polo mints that she’s taken from the counter.

It makes you actually enjoy the process of dealing with leasing paperwork. The cost to Ling is endless imagination plus a stamp and a tiny percent of her profit. The result is this blog and allegedly more letters from satisfied customers than any other site on the Internet.

Ling does cheap car leasing, but she could have sold anything from theatre tickets to holiday bookings. Imbued with her customary humour and customer service focus, I’m sure she’d make a success of those businesses too. Even if her website does nearly make your eyes bleed.

Lovely livery

Marketing encompasses business uniforms, building signage and vehicle livery too. So whaddya think of this piece of creative design work, then? Clever old PepsiCo.

In times of austerity...

consumers clip coupons, use voucher codes, and look for any discount offers they can find.

There's a TV ad running at the moment for FantasticSavings.com, with an animated piggy bank and script proclaiming the money you can save. Trouble is, the voiceover talks about 'exciting brands' with an image showing a pack of Tampax Pearl.

Exciting? Not really.

Spot the difference

Frank Sinatra

Harry Connick Junior

Two handsome singers. 'So what does this have to do with your Bad Ads blog?', you may be asking yourself. 'What does this teach me about UK advertising and marketing?'

Well, I saw the first picture displayed as a poster in a café on Saturday, during the lunchbreak from the London meeting of the Professional Speaking Association. The poster was at the far end of the table, so I couldn't read the caption, and at first, I thought it showed Harry Connick Junior (I don't think I'd ever seen a picture of Frank Sinatra looking so young).

But this blog post isn't about my poor face-recognition, nor Frank Sinatra, nor Harry Connick Junior! It's about using speaking as a way to promote your expertise (and therefore your business products or services).

So far, I've learned that speakers can get paid more than trainers (as you may know, I'm a trainer as well as a copywriter and author). So I may well be spending more time at the PSA and in the café looking at the young Frank in future!

Would becoming a speaker be a useful addition to your marketing mix?

Back of a lorry

In the olden days, when I worked for a home shopping company, my team had to design branded vehicle livery. I remember being briefed to include red glow-in-the-dark stripes on the back, for Health & Safety reasons.

Since then, I notice lots of lorries displaying 'How's my driving?' phone numbers. Has anyone ever responded to those, I mean, really?

On my way to collect my parents from Gatwick Airport* yesterday, I was stuck on the motorway behind a removal lorry that had a multiple choice quiz on the back, with answers on the company's website. Trouble is, I can't remember the web address (and now I've lost interest anyway).

A good idea, badly executed.

*a.k.a. Gatport Airwick

The power of copywriting

This short film gives me goose-bumps, every time I think of it.

Feel the force

With over 4.5m views so far, VW shows that YouTube is the way to go!

Go to the top of the class!

LowCostHolidays.com

1. A business name and domain name that 'does what it says on the tin'

2. And a CEO who gives holiday tips on the radio.

Maybe they've been reading this blog? Either way, they seem to be doing everything right, and get top marks from me!

18 million people can't be wrong

I guess that's the message hidden in the current Confused.com campaign. You have probably seen the TV version, with the cartoon characters dancing about to Queen's 'Somebody to Love' (look where she pulls the mic stand from!)



Trouble is, saying 'We have 18m million members' is all about them. It doesn't answer 'What's in it for me' from the customer's point of view.

More about WIIFM.

Now, that's what I call creativity! (part 2)

Yes, it's a bus shelter. Yes, it's been made to look like an oven, with a real heating element in the ceiling.  Yes, it's an ad, promoting the new hot breakfast sandwiches being sold by Caribou Coffee.

To experience the warmth in real life, you'll have to go to Minneapolis.

Top tip: It's a good example of what I have told you before. You have to stand out from the rest to get noticed – you have to BE DIFFERENT!

Now, that's what I call creativity!

If you have a few seconds to spare, visit http://benthebodyguard.com/, then click and hold to scroll down this genius ad for a smartphone privacy app.

Source: CreativePool

Proofreading error of the year

Visit The Oak pub in Widmore Road, Bromley, and you will see a calendar hanging over the bar, already turned to September 2011. It depicts a scene of cheering football fans with a caption that should read:

Jamie Muir

Scunthorpe United No. 1 Fan

Guess which letter was accidentally cropped off the image?

The personalised calendar cost £12.99 from Gosport, and was a Christmas gift to the landlord, Jamie Muir, from his mum.

A spokesman from the club said: "It was not our fault."

Stickers have been provided to the 2,000 fans who received the calendar, to stick over the error.

Top tip: get it write!

My party trick

Guess what! I can still recite the entire 'Lipsmackin' slogan from the 1970s' Pepsi ad:



Is your slogan so powerful that it will be remembered 30-40 years on?

I feel insulted

A contact of mine recommended me to a prospective new client. Hoorah! It was in the travel sector. Double hoorah! I love travel, writing about travel, and have written for travel industry clients in the past.

The prospect emailed to say: 'Congratulations, you're on the shortlist. Please complete this short assignment  by tomorrow midday, and we'll decide.'

The assignment was to write a 'snappy/punchy' headline and two lines of descriptive copy about five different topics.

I replied to say thanks but no thanks.

At this stage of my career, I don't see why I should have to provide unpaid copywriting in order to win business (although I am perfectly happy to provide samples of copy I've written before, if that helps.)

Before I write a word for a new client, I meet them for a proper brief, to find out all about them, their product /service, their target market and their competitors. (For existing clients, the process is much quicker, because I've already been through that learning curve, researched everything I need to know about the background context, and established the appropriate 'tone of voice'.)

For good copywriting, there is no such thing as a 'short' assignment (in my opinion). Writing something short (e.g. the perfect 'snappy/punchy' title) actually takes longer than writing something long.

In order to write a title and benefit-led text on this occasion, I would have had to spend time researching their website and blog, as well as conducting telephone interviews. I would also want to know who the communication is aimed at, what is the objective and in what format it will appear. Only then would I be able to writing compelling copy that gets the results they are after.

I don't see why I should do that for nothing and at such short notice.

So are they cheeky monkeys or am I a fool for turning work away?

"Oh no it isn't!"

Panto season may be over, but I found myself shouting this at the TV when I saw the new Co-op 'plea' ad.

Buy Food Within Easy..
Watch the ad...

It's all around convenience – using your weekend to do what you really want to do, rather than doing the weekly shop. Fair enough.

The ads are appealing scripted (I've seen both husband and wife versions). Fair enough.

Although one does include this line: "Only buy what you want, when you want it." Hmm, yes, I do that anyway, and don't need advertorial incitement!

The trouble is, my nearest Co-op is miles away, so it's not convenient at all :-(

Not only that, but the ad doesn't tell you why Co-op is better than any other supermarket.

Top tip 1: If you are targeting by location, be specific.

Top tip 2: Don't promote your generic sector, promote yourself.

Déja vu?

I saw a new TV ad recently. Hmm, that logo looks familiar, I thought. Any similarity is no doubt entirely coincidental!

So who is Nisa anyway? Find out in The Grocer.

No comparison

Imagine the scene. Every price comparison website that is not Compare the Market briefs their ad agency the same way: "I want something like the meerkat, but different."

Go Compare's famously annoying 'Go Compario' character has recently evolved into a silent movie:



That's some relief!

Meanwhile, Compare the Market bravely allowed their advertisers to create a whole parallel website for Compare the Meerkat (which has even boosted sales of cuddly toys and visitors to the meerkat enclosure in the zoo.) There's even a Compare the Mongoose site. I wonder how much further it will go from the original product?

So Go Compare have launched a parallel radio campaign, advertising 'lolly brollies' - use it when it rains, eat it afterwards.

In my view, this ad hasn't a hope of competing with the cuddly creature, as it leaves you thinking about a useless product. I can't imagine what they were thinking!

It's not April 1st yet, is it?

Get your kit off!

Have you seen this ad for Warner Leisure Hotels?



It's like a low budget version of the utterly brilliant T-shirt War!

#EpicFail

See how 'down with the kids' I am, using the above title! (All kids feel free to cringe.)

I am merely quoting one of the comments on the new Volvo 'how to make a car ad' ad:



The problem is – as with all such self-referential advertising – this ad is so far up its own bum that it can see daylight.