You learn something new every day...

Acronyms are a useful way to help you remember things.

F.A.S.T. is a great mnemonic* to remind you what to do if you witness any of the symptoms of stroke.

I didn't know that beforehand. I do now.

Watch the ad on YouTube.
Read about the Department of Health campaign.

Many business-owners try to sell themselves through awareness advertising (like the big brands do), but it serves us better to demonstrate our expertise by sharing useful information.

Next time you produce any marketing communications, why not try the 'public service announcement' approach? It may not get results FAST, but it will get results.

* Way to remember things

What's wrong with this slogan?

"Customer driven"

as seen on the back of a haulage van.

It's clever, as it has meaning on more than one level. But it's stupid, because the customer doesn't drive the van.

If it were on a self-drive vehicle, that would be a different story...

P.S. My thanks to Clive Wilson for pointing this out.

I think I'm in love!

with Aleksandr Orlov, the founder of www.comparethemeerkat.com.

Who would have thought of advertising a cost comparison website by building a spoof?

That's inspired today's tip:

I once heard of a man who was lucky enough to be able to travel the world and see everything he’d ever wanted to see. One of the places he’d always wanted to see was Mount Everest. So he made all the arrangements, flew out there, looked out of his hotel window, and what do you think he saw?

It was something like this:



He wanted to see Mount Everest, but Mount Everest is in the Himalayas! It’s a mountain range! Everest might be the biggest mountain in the world but it’s surrounded by other mountains which all look the same!

Was it that one, which may be nearer and smaller? Or that one, which may be further away but bigger? He couldn’t tell. And he came away disappointed by the experience.

Another place he’d always wanted to see was Ayers Rock, or Uluru, in Australia. So he made the arrangements, flew out there, and what do you think he saw?

It was something like this:



Uluru is one big rock in the middle of a flat desert! There is nothing around to distract from it! And he came away feeling much more impressed by the experience, even though Uluru is much, much smaller than Mount Everest.

So what’s the moral of this story?

You have less than 15 seconds to grab someone’s attention. Even if you are the biggest and best in the whole world, no-one will notice if you promote yourself the same way as everyone else.

If you want to stand out from the rest, like Uluru, not blend in with everyone else, like Everest – YOU HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT!

P.S. I thought of meerkats first! 'Don't stop me now!' 3/5/08

P.P.S. I also wrote about comparing the cost comparison websites 'When numbers speak louder than words' 1/9/08

"Oi! Turn it down!"

Some of the ads may be better than the programmes that surround them, but many people perceive the noise volume of the ads to be louder.

My tip: It's no good being better than the rest if you do something that p*sses people off so much that they'd rather go and make a cup of tea!

ASA background briefing

I am the amazing disappearing woman!

I've lost a bit of weight recently, and all my clothes are falling off me (ooer, missus). So I went shopping to buy some new clothes in a smaller size.

I chose a few things in BhS*, but when I got to the till, the sales assistant said: "If you let me keep these for you until 5 March, you can have 20% off**."

So that's what I did.

I had been quite prepared to pay full price, now I'll pay 1/5 less (assuming I do go back on 5/3).

It's good news for me and for all the other customers who've taken up the offer. But maybe it's not so good news for BhS.

As the owner of my own business, I do believe it's good to generate goodwill, in the hope of increasing customer loyalty and word of mouth marketing. But – when you (or your staff) give away a guaranteed sale – it's not so good for the bottom line.

* Note for young people: BhS used to be called British Home Stores, possibly because they were based in Britain and they sold things for your home.

** Note for everybody: The 20% off offer only applies to BhS card-holders.

Doing a Ratner

One of my clients uses Constant Contact to issue email announcements to his clients. Unfortunately, he gave one of his employees the login details. The employee - thinking he was doing the right thing – sent all their clients a message announcing the launch of their new websites. Unfortunately, the new websites hadn't been signed off yet, and were full of broken links and errors. The employee then sent all their clients a follow-up email linking to another website. Even more unfortunately, that website was wrongly branded. My client has now changed the login, so he is now the only one who can send messages.

'Human error' can happen to anyone.

According to Media Coach, Alan Stevens, the technical director of ETV news in South Africa used 'dummy' information to test the rolling news display on the bottom of the screen. The message that appeared on TV sets all over the country was "George Bush is dead". Mr Bush is, in fact, alive and well. "We've learned from it, all test banners will now be done in gobbledegook," said station spokesman Vasili Vass.

Gerald Ratner's famous faux pas wiped an estimated £500m off the value of his company. From Wikipedia:

Although widely regarded as "tacky", the shops and their wares were nevertheless extremely popular with the public, until Ratner made a speech at the Institute of Directors on April 23, 1991. During the speech, he joked: “We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, "How can you sell this for such a low price?" I say, because it's total crap." He compounded this by going on to remark that some of the earrings were "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long."

Top tip: Watch what you say and who you let say it. You can never be too careful.

In the words of Victor Meldrew...

"I don't believe it!"

Friend H visited recently and asked me how I keep my whites so white. We actually had a serious discussion about washing powder until we realised what we were doing.

Then I remembered when I went camping years ago with friend S, and we decided that Fairy washing-up liquid really does make more bubbles so you need less of it. Naturally, we stopped the conversation as soon as we noticed we were having it.

Two lessons:

1. We all use Ecover these days, thanks to the power of the green lobby

2. Advertising scripts that reflect reality really do work

P.S. I assure you that none of my friends have ever discussed slow digestive transits.

Three strikes and out?

Burger King has a new, funky advertising agency - Crispin Porter and Bogusky.

So far, they have created three campaigns that have not only been talked about (a good result) but also heavily criticised (not a good result).

The first was called "Whopper Virgins", where they took burgers from Burger King and Macdonalds to Thai villagers who had never seen such food, to do a taste test.

The second was "Burger-scented cologne", a clear spoof, but just not very funny.

The latest is "Lose 10 Facebook friends and get a free burger". However, Facebook have just banned the application from their site, and once again, Burger King have had to apologise.

Wonder if it's three strikes and out for Crispin Porter and Bogusky?

This information was written by Alan Stevens, and originally appeared in "The MediaCoach", his free weekly ezine, available at www.mediacoach.co.uk.

My top tip: Be different. But don't be stupid.

Monty Python singalong: "Spam Spam Spam Spam..."

Spam is the curse of the Internet age. When it's not someone trying to nick your identity or your money, it's someone trying to sell you something.

Now and again I'm happy to point you to someone else's blog. SEOMoz.org have brilliantly illustrated a spam post about how to sell your items on eBay.

Here's the title:



Here's the whole blog post.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

My thanks to Nikki Pilkington for tweeting this on Twitter. If you know anyone who wants Search Engine Optimisation, send them to her.

And if you know anyone who's trying to write non-spammy sales messages, send them to me!

Oh. My. God.

You may have heard about the bus ads with an atheist slogan.

You probably heard about the bus driver who refused to drive them.

But you may not know there is now a website where you can add your own bus slogans.

Just goes to show that controversy can sometimes lead to more column inches (and more online pixels) than you expect. Doesn't mean it's the right approach to take though.

And so endeth today's lesson.

Trying too hard

There is a TV ad currently running for ICS Learn, where a very nice actress recites very nicely a list of all the courses they offer. Still pictures pop up behind her depicting each course. There's not enough room to show all the courses at the same time, so some of the images are replaced with others.

A list like that would be fine if presented in a printed brochure. But it's no good as a TV script.

ICS appear to agree with me, as they are phasing out these old ads and replacing them with new ones, as shown here.

The first one is waaay better than the current ad. It focuses on one person's story, as told by a fine young actor. Mind you, I still think they have given him too much to say.

The lesson is keep it simple!

What can we learn from Cadbury's eyebrows?

My friend Ange loves the chocolate but hates this ad.

Watch the official version on YouTube.

Maybe it's trying to appeal to a different (younger!) demographic.

Then again, how do you beat a drumming gorilla?

I still wish they'd try it with meerkats.

[Edit: Looks like they've missed the meerkat boat thanks to Aleksandr Orlov]

Great minds think alike

I went up to London last week, and spotted a poster on the tube that advertised The Times newspaper, by saying:

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
Then POTATO could be spelled GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

It's exactly the same example I used in the December issue of my Writing Without Waffle newsletter (you can sign up here.

Where did I get it? I think someone forwarded it to me via email.

Today's top tip is to keep a 'crib file' of jokes, stories and links that might be useful for your own marketing. Mine is in a folder on my Mac. When I'm ready to write each month's newsletter, I simply dip into it for whatever is most interesting and relevant (always crediting the original source, where possible, of course).

Beanz that repeat on you

Hoorah – Heinz is bringing back "Beanz Meanz Heinz"! Here's the story on telegraph.co.uk.

It was once voted the winner in The Advertising Slogan Hall of Fame (2000), and was created by Maurice Drake, who claimed: “it was written over two pints of beer in The Victoria pub in Mornington Crescent”.

Just goes to show that inspiration strikes in the most unlikely places. I have some of my best ideas in the car, the bath or listening to live rock music.

Where do you have yours?

P.S. Here's the top 10:

1. Beanz Meanz Heinz Heinz
2. We try harder Avis
3. Go to work on an egg Egg Marketing Board
4. Guinness is good for you Guinness
5. Don't be vague. Ask for Haig Haig Scotch Whisky
6. Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet Hamlet
7. Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach Heineken
8. It is. Are you? The Independent
9. Just do it Nike
10. Think small Volkswagen