Newsroom calls transcribed from the News Shopper 29 December 2010:
Elderly lady: I would like you to write a story about the funny-shaped clouds in the sky today. Have a look out of the window, they are really straight.
NewsShopper: I am looking at them and they look like normal clouds to me.
EL: No, they are not. They are straight and lots of other strange things have been happening since they appeared.
NS: Oh really? Like what?
EL: Well, my knees have been hurting and my cat has been walking funny. Please write a story about it.
Old woman: I want my Dunkirk memories in the newspaper, like that man.
NewsShopper: Oh, do you mean the article I did on the 70th anniversary of Dunkirk?
OW: Yes. Why didn't you put my memories in?
NS: Well, I didn't know you...this is the first time you've contacted me.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: I know, but it's too late now as I've already written the article and it's been published.
OW: Well, just add my memories at the bottom of the article.
NS: But it's already been published.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: There's nothing I can do. I can't really call the paper back just to add it in, or staple a piece about you to the bottom of the page, can I?
OW: Yes, do that.
NS: I can't do that.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: I know, but I'm afraid it's...
OW: I can't be bothered with this. I'm very old. (Hangs up)
Club owner: I am opening a new nightclub and we are getting some mega-famous celebrities from EastEnders in over the next few weeks. Can you give me a bit of publicity in the news section?
NewsShopper: Well, I'm sorry but we don't usually put private business stories in the news section unless it is someone particularly famous.
CO: What, and EastEnders' stars aren't famous enough?
NS: No, not really, but you could put something in our business section?
CO: To be honest mate, you ain't gonna get much more famous than Dean Gaffney. (Hangs up)
Thursday 30 December 2010
Wednesday 22 December 2010
Such a good idea!
I was in the off-licence the other day, stocking up on wine and chocolate. By the till was a Christmas-wrapped box for tips.
I've never tipped the offy staff before, but it was labelled 'Bigger tippers make better lovers'.
So did I leave a tip this time? You betcha!
I've never tipped the offy staff before, but it was labelled 'Bigger tippers make better lovers'.
So did I leave a tip this time? You betcha!
Friday 17 December 2010
When common sense fails
A. Wash your hands!
This silly product is a solution without a problem.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Here we go again!
Gold Blend revisits the relationship theme of its classic ads from the '80s. In keeping with the times, they've sexed it up a bit.
Although, in my view, it's not a patch on the original series.
Although, in my view, it's not a patch on the original series.
Monday 13 December 2010
The true meaning of Christmas
The clue is in the word CHRISTmas.
I was in a local toy shop recently when someone asked for an advent calendar featuring the nativity. There were advent calendars with Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder and fluffy puppy dogs. But the shop-keeper said: "Sorry, we haven't got any with nativity scenes."
Similarly, there has been much in the press about the wide choice of supermarket 'Winter Wishes' cards and few with religious themes.
At least Argos have made an effort:
I've 'done my part' too, with my Twitter nativity guest blog post.
I was in a local toy shop recently when someone asked for an advent calendar featuring the nativity. There were advent calendars with Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder and fluffy puppy dogs. But the shop-keeper said: "Sorry, we haven't got any with nativity scenes."
Similarly, there has been much in the press about the wide choice of supermarket 'Winter Wishes' cards and few with religious themes.
At least Argos have made an effort:
I've 'done my part' too, with my Twitter nativity guest blog post.
Thursday 9 December 2010
2 reasons why people go to the Internet
I've written before that there are only two reasons why people go to the Internet. They are looking for information or entertainment (or a bit of both, as provided in this blog). So I was interested to re-read this passage in the book Illusions, by Richard Bach:
[Richard and Don, the reluctant messiah, have gone to the cinema to see Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in answer to Richard's question 'Why are we here?']
"...any people anywhere who go to any movie show, why are they there, when it is only illlusions?"
"Well, it's entertainment," I said.
"Fun. That's right. One."
"Could be educational."
"Good, it's always that. Learning. Two."
"Fantasy, escape."
"That's fun too. One."
"Technical reasons. To see how a film is made."
"Learning. Two."
"Escape from boredom..."
"Escape. You said that."
"Social. To be with friends," I said.
"Reason for going, but not for seeing the film. That's fun, anyway. One."
Whatever I came up with fit his two fingers; people see films for fun or learning or for both together.
Like cinema, people don't go to the Internet to be sold to (which is a challenge for those of us who do Internet marketing – we have to be so much more creative about the way we do it).
[Richard and Don, the reluctant messiah, have gone to the cinema to see Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in answer to Richard's question 'Why are we here?']
"...any people anywhere who go to any movie show, why are they there, when it is only illlusions?"
"Well, it's entertainment," I said.
"Fun. That's right. One."
"Could be educational."
"Good, it's always that. Learning. Two."
"Fantasy, escape."
"That's fun too. One."
"Technical reasons. To see how a film is made."
"Learning. Two."
"Escape from boredom..."
"Escape. You said that."
"Social. To be with friends," I said.
"Reason for going, but not for seeing the film. That's fun, anyway. One."
Whatever I came up with fit his two fingers; people see films for fun or learning or for both together.
Like cinema, people don't go to the Internet to be sold to (which is a challenge for those of us who do Internet marketing – we have to be so much more creative about the way we do it).
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Why oh why oh why
I couldn't help noticing the new Smirnoff vodka ad. I reproduce the script here, with their words in bold.
Triple distilled
Why?
For a purer vodka
Why?
Because we believe that a purer vodka is a better vodka
Let's unpick the script a bit more.
Why?
Because the word 'because' leads on to give you a reason to buy (giving a reason prompts customers to take action, so the word 'because' is extremely powerful!)
Because 'we believe' are weasel words. Who cares what they believe? I believe they are trying to sell something to us! It still sounds convincing though.
Because 'purer' and 'better' are also meaningless, but persuasive, words. Purer than what? Better than what?
This short script is a masterclass in copywriting.
Smirnoff – go to the top of the class!
Triple distilled
Why?
For a purer vodka
Why?
Because we believe that a purer vodka is a better vodka
Let's unpick the script a bit more.
Why?
Because the word 'because' leads on to give you a reason to buy (giving a reason prompts customers to take action, so the word 'because' is extremely powerful!)
Because 'we believe' are weasel words. Who cares what they believe? I believe they are trying to sell something to us! It still sounds convincing though.
Because 'purer' and 'better' are also meaningless, but persuasive, words. Purer than what? Better than what?
This short script is a masterclass in copywriting.
Smirnoff – go to the top of the class!
Tuesday 7 December 2010
On the subject of cameras
(see the 'Load. Take aim. And shoot' post below)...
...the 'I am Nikon' ad series features a sequence of captions e.g. "I am Don Juan", "I am brave," "I am alive", "I am a pocket zoomer".
It took me back to when I was 10 years' old and wrote a poem called "I am a camera"*:
I see a squirrel on the roof
I see a fat lady very aloof
I see a shop
I see a pond
I see a girl with a fairy's wand
I see a boy at a sweet stall
I see some children playing ball
I see some sums being done in a book
All this I see with one long look
And now, I am signing off, and feeling slightly embarrassed.
*Yes, I am that sad person who has kept a poem I wrote when I was 10!
...the 'I am Nikon' ad series features a sequence of captions e.g. "I am Don Juan", "I am brave," "I am alive", "I am a pocket zoomer".
It took me back to when I was 10 years' old and wrote a poem called "I am a camera"*:
I see a squirrel on the roof
I see a fat lady very aloof
I see a shop
I see a pond
I see a girl with a fairy's wand
I see a boy at a sweet stall
I see some children playing ball
I see some sums being done in a book
All this I see with one long look
And now, I am signing off, and feeling slightly embarrassed.
*Yes, I am that sad person who has kept a poem I wrote when I was 10!
Monday 6 December 2010
Cartoon experiences
On a weekend when Facebook users were urged to replace their profile photo with a children's cartoon avatar in support of the NSPCC*, I was reminded of a cartoonish experience of my own.
My friend has one of those. When we walked the dog down the High Street late one night, groups of drunken teenagers at bus-stops leapt out of the way shouting 'WTF is that?!', as if they were seeing a skinny, hairy horse.
So funny.
Friday 3 December 2010
Load. Take aim. And shoot!
Just realised why Canon chose that name for their cameras. Der.
Their latest ad features the following slogan:
"Take more than pictures. Take stories."
It really works for me – in NLP* terms, people have a preference for Visual, Auditory or Kinaesthetic sensory inputs. That is to say, they like pictures, words or feelings. By combining a visual word 'Pictures' with an auditory word 'Stories', the slogan appeals to a wider audience.
Canon are also running a competition in association with The Guardian.
On the subject of competitions, I'm running one for December only, for subscribers to my newsletter only, to write a free slogan (usually £60+) when you send me your name, logo and USP. Sign up here.
P.S. If you're interested in NLP and how it relates to advertising, you might also like this post I wrote about Tone of Voice.
* Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Their latest ad features the following slogan:
"Take more than pictures. Take stories."
It really works for me – in NLP* terms, people have a preference for Visual, Auditory or Kinaesthetic sensory inputs. That is to say, they like pictures, words or feelings. By combining a visual word 'Pictures' with an auditory word 'Stories', the slogan appeals to a wider audience.
Canon are also running a competition in association with The Guardian.
On the subject of competitions, I'm running one for December only, for subscribers to my newsletter only, to write a free slogan (usually £60+) when you send me your name, logo and USP. Sign up here.
P.S. If you're interested in NLP and how it relates to advertising, you might also like this post I wrote about Tone of Voice.
* Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Thursday 2 December 2010
Lesson from the Master
Extracts from a manual written by David Ogilvy for AGA's 1935 advertising campaign, that still hold true today (mostly):
There are certain universal rules. Dress quietly and shave well. Do not wear a bowler hat. Go to the back door (most salesmen go to the front door, a manoeuvre always resented by maid and mistress alike)... Tell the person who opens the door frankly and briefly what you have come for. It will get her on your side. Never on any account get in on false pretences.
In general, study the methods of your competitors and do the exact opposite.
Find out all you can about your prospects before you call on them... Every hour spent in this kind of research will help you and impress your prospect.
The worst fault a salesman can commit is to be a bore... and if you can make her laugh you are several points up.
Perhaps the most important thing of all is to avoid standardisation in your sales talk. If you find yourself one fine day saying the same things to a bishop and a trapezist, you are done for.
The more prospects you talk to, the more sales you expose yourself to, the more orders you will get. But never mistake a quantity of calls for quality of salesmanship.
The good salesman combines the tenacity of a bulldog with the manners of a spaniel. If you have any charm, ooze it.
There are certain universal rules. Dress quietly and shave well. Do not wear a bowler hat. Go to the back door (most salesmen go to the front door, a manoeuvre always resented by maid and mistress alike)... Tell the person who opens the door frankly and briefly what you have come for. It will get her on your side. Never on any account get in on false pretences.
In general, study the methods of your competitors and do the exact opposite.
Find out all you can about your prospects before you call on them... Every hour spent in this kind of research will help you and impress your prospect.
The worst fault a salesman can commit is to be a bore... and if you can make her laugh you are several points up.
Perhaps the most important thing of all is to avoid standardisation in your sales talk. If you find yourself one fine day saying the same things to a bishop and a trapezist, you are done for.
The more prospects you talk to, the more sales you expose yourself to, the more orders you will get. But never mistake a quantity of calls for quality of salesmanship.
The good salesman combines the tenacity of a bulldog with the manners of a spaniel. If you have any charm, ooze it.
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