Made me laugh!

Newsroom calls transcribed from the News Shopper 29 December 2010:

Elderly lady: I would like you to write a story about the funny-shaped clouds in the sky today. Have a look out of the window, they are really straight.
NewsShopper: I am looking at them and they look like normal clouds to me.
EL: No, they are not. They are straight and lots of other strange things have been happening since they appeared.
NS: Oh really? Like what?
EL: Well, my knees have been hurting and my cat has been walking funny. Please write a story about it.

Old woman: I want my Dunkirk memories in the newspaper, like that man.
NewsShopper: Oh, do you mean the article I did on the 70th anniversary of Dunkirk?
OW: Yes. Why didn't you put my memories in?
NS: Well, I didn't know you...this is the first time you've contacted me.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: I know, but it's too late now as I've already written the article and it's been published.
OW: Well, just add my memories at the bottom of the article.
NS: But it's already been published.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: There's nothing I can do. I can't really call the paper back just to add it in, or staple a piece about you to the bottom of the page, can I?
OW: Yes, do that.
NS: I can't do that.
OW: I want my memories in the newspaper.
NS: I know, but I'm afraid it's...
OW: I can't be bothered with this. I'm very old. (Hangs up)

Club owner: I am opening a new nightclub and we are getting some mega-famous celebrities from EastEnders in over the next few weeks. Can you give me a bit of publicity in the news section?
NewsShopper: Well, I'm sorry but we don't usually put private business stories in the news section unless it is someone particularly famous.
CO: What, and EastEnders' stars aren't famous enough?
NS: No, not really, but you could put something in our business section?
CO: To be honest mate, you ain't gonna get much more famous than Dean Gaffney. (Hangs up)